Waiting

I feel like I am now a professional waiter. Not the kind that brings me a delicious adult beverage or a meal, but the the kind that simply waits. Waiting for my book to launch. Waiting for my youngest to have an smidge of information about if he will be here for Christmas. Waiting for our prison sentence to be lifted or the pandemic to end, whichever you prefer to describe the current hostage situation that we are experiencing. It’s like a holding pattern or what I have been referring to, as the universal pause.

This morning I looked for the cream as I was preparing my coffee. I scanned the refrigerator and silently spewed some expletives because I was sure that my spouse had used the rest of it. I swiveled my head only to find the carton resting on the counter as if to taunt me. Yes, my name is Allison and I am not being mindful. Instead of the old adage, “a mind is a terrible thing to waste”, mine is “my mind is a terrible place to be”. It’s true. If I am not completely present then weird shit happens and I question my sanity. Honestly, I question my sanity a lot but I think more so since I am living in a bubble with my family. It has been scientifically proven that living with an overabundance of testosterone can cause insanity in some women. That really isn’t true, but sometimes I feel like it is.

I have found that I seem to be more present with our new dog. Luna became our newest family member last Saturday. She is a stunning black Lab mix who is incredibly smart, sweet, and hilarious. The only issue she has is extreme separation anxiety. Found that out after she destroyed the bedding in her crate among other things. Christ. On. A. Cracker. I no longer go to the restroom alone as she is my shadow. She helps me forget that I am waiting.

My mother would say to me as a child, “good things come to those who wait”. The shit better be amazing because we have now been waiting nine months. This waiting may have cured my aversion to other humans that are outside my tribe. Kidding. There isn’t enough waiting for that to even be real.